With some luck, by the time this is built it will be Yankee Stadium at Atomic Sports Media Field.

In my book, Quicken Loans Arena is a slightly better name than Senator Scumbag Arena.

But that’s just me…

Owners that don’t take the blank check on the naming rights of their new quarter-billion dollar playgrounds are just plain stupid. Why sugar coat it by calling it something else?

Why in the world would you call it the Boston Garden for free when you can take the $10 million a year and call it the TD Banknorth Garden. And who’s going to know that the T in TD actually stands for Toronto?

Still, there are some out there who just insist on remaining traditional. Jacobs Field and Camden Yards are two new-wave ballparks that have bucked the corporate naming trend. And despite the backdrop of Wall Street and the rest of the business world, there’s just one pro sports facility with a corporate sponsor in Metro-NYC (Continental Airlines Arena). Of course, I’m pretty sure there isn’t much interest for the naming rights on the aging Shea Stadium and Nassau Coliseum.

However, this practice of maintaining a moral, non-corporate standard has turned teams and cities into hypocrites.

Bills owner Ralph Wilson named the stadium after himself, turning down the lure of corporate money. He was last spotted on the landline outside of his nursing home crying to NFL league offices about his small-market status under the new CBA.

The Metrodome is still named after Hubert H. Humphrey. Probably because the state of Minnesota feels obligated to keep its most famed politician from fading into the realm of history textbooks and New York Times crosswords. Both the Twins and Vikings have complained numerous times about Minneapolis being a fairly small-market city.

The Braves, growing cheaper by the day, still play in Turner Field. Ted Turner sold the team years ago. They’ve managed to get away with it because they have John Schuerholz and Bobby Cox at the helm.

Is there a point in all of this? Perhaps.

In Wilson’s case, he’s watched two teams in the AFC East alone get bitten on naming rights deals. There was Pro Player Stadium in Miami, which was still known by that moniker years after the company went under. There’s also Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, which is facing its third name change in five years when Gillette becomes a part of Proctor & Gamble sometime in the near future.

Outside of the AFC East, Baltimore, Nashville and San Francisco have experienced similar naming rights troubles. Because I don’t speak legalese, it’s hard for me to say what exactly happened with PSINet, Adelphia and 3Com. But I’m smart enough to know that you aren’t making any money off naming rights deals if your dealing with companies that find themselves in bankruptcy court.

American Airlines, despite the recent troubles in the airline industry, might be one of the few companies to benefit from recent naming rights. The two buildings which bear the American Airlines name are located in Dallas and Miami. Should they meet in the NBA Finals, every game gets played at an American Airlines building, either the Center in Dallas or the Arena in Miami. This dream scenario would provide four hours of prime time publicity each game. That’s before talking about Stuart Scott’s postgame poetry on the 11 p.m. “SportsCenter.”

Typically there’s a mixture of good, bad and ugly when it comes to this naming rights business. If that extra money goes toward a big-time free agent or improving the experience at the arena, it’s hard for even the most hardened of fans to complain. It’s also clear that this issue of naming rights isn’t going away any time soon. And as usual, I’d like to offer a few rules to help teams and companies work together to avoid making mistakes like the National Car Rental Center. Meanwhile, if somebody wants to sponsor this column, I’m all ears and willing to accept any blank checks coming my way.

What’s in a name?

1) Look at the track record of success.

Is Pepsi going under anytime soon? Is STAPLES? Teams need to go with the safest bet on the board instead of jumping at the “dot com” failures waiting to happen. And as for the companies, they need to realize that putting your name on the new Yankee Stadium is going to bring more publicity than putting your name on the new Twins ballpark.

2) Have something to do with the city.

Miller isn’t just a company in Milwaukee. Coors isn’t just a company in Colorado.  Ford isn’t just a company in Detroit. These are examples of companies with lasting legacies and traditions in their respective regions. They also currently hold naming rights to new facilities in their respective regions. Even something like Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence fits the mold. I have no clue why Tim Horton’s doesn’t have its name on an arena in Canada yet.

3) Don’t let your arena scream…I PAID A HUNDRED MILLION TO NAME YOU!

Target Center - Good. Xcel Energy Center - Bad. Pepsi Center - Good. Invesco Field at Mile High - Bad. United Center - Good. U.S. Cellular Field - Bad. It’s a pretty simple concept to understand.

4) Avoid the following companies at all costs:

- Phone Companies (Pacific Bell Park to SBC Park to AT&T Park in three years)
- Banks (Shawmut Center to Fleet Center to TD Banknorth Garden in 10 years)
- Airlines (There aren’t many examples, just America West Arena to U.S. Airways Center, but they always seem to be on the brink.)

Jake Duhaime is a regular contributor to Atomic Sports Media. To sponsor his column, contact him at jake.duhaime@atomicsportsmedia.com.

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