Bode Miller: The man, the myth, the mouth

Imagine you are the premier face in your sport.  You are on top of your game and have proved to be unstoppable for the last year and a half.  You rip through the game’s prestigious events like Tiger Woods in the late 90's.  You take on challenges from your greatest competitors and, somehow, emerge victorious each time like the Bulls of Michael Jordan.  You can do no wrong. 

The person you would most feel like is downhill skier, Bode Miller.  Miller, who is the only American to ever win the overall World Cup title, is considered by most to be the greatest skier in the world.  However, unlike the champions of sport before him, Miller lacks a certain...well...grace.           

Never one to befriend the media, Bode has made his distaste for them well known.

“There’s not an avenue to venue for me to express myself very clearly, the media is not a productive way to do that,” says the slope star.

Miller’s distaste for the spotlight extends so far as to shrug off something as prestigious winning an Olympic medal, which he is expected to do a few times this February.

“I don’t see winning four or five gold medals as a positive thing,” he says, “what am I going to do with the medals?  I could hang them on the walls, but what are they going to do for me?”

Miller’s image can survive this however.  America has embraced some of sport’s greatest anti-heros, people like John McEnroe and Bobby Knight.  It doesn’t hurt that Miller participates in a sport that is as popular in the U.S. as sno-cones are in hell.  As far as Americans are concerned, Bode Miller could be the best downhill racer since John Cusack in “Better Off Dead.”  (If nobody still remembers that movie then I’ve officially become old.)

However, for a sixteen day period every four years skiing takes the global stage and anyone with an American flag on their lapel suddenly becomes an expert in anything that needs its edges sharpened and tuned.  This means that surely Bode will turn on the charm.  Surely the great American downhill hopeful will woo the audience with a little shmooze.  Surely, with NBC offering around the clock coverage on five different channels, Bode will grace the American public with a touch of seemliness.  Maybe?

If Miller’s latest media exploits are any indication, then I don’t think any of us should hold our breath.

“Talk about a hard challenge right there...if you’ve ever tried to ski wasted, it’s not easy,” Miller told 60 Minutes.

Wow.  America’s golden child has gone on national television and confirmed that he has been a candidate for an S.U.I, (Skiing Under the Influence, for those of you lacking the ability to detect obvious jokes,) not only during recreational skiing but competitive as well.  As far as I’m concerned, jettisoning yourself down a slippery slope with greased slats of fiberglass attached to your feet after knocking a few back is something that, at the very LEAST, equates to drunken driving. 

Rest easy though Bode, you still have us on your side.  Sure, your comments were inappropriate, brash, and borderline irresponsible...but it’s Olympic time.  The flags are still flying, the fists are still pumping, and the letters “U-S-A” are still being chanted.

In fact, it’s not until our hero’s next bold statement, made just a week or so later, that the uneasiness begins to form.  When talking about the world’s steroid epidemic with Rolling Stone, Miller had a few questionable things to say.

“Right now, if you want to cheat, you can.  Barry Bonds and all those guys are just knowingly cheating,” says Bode, “If you say it has to be ‘knowingly,’ then you do what Lance (Armstrong) and all those guys do, every morning their doctor just gives them a box of pills and they don’t ask anything, they just take the pills.”

Wait a second.  Did he just talk about Lance Armstrong?  Does he know Lance Armstrong won seven consecutive Tour de Frances and single-handedly defeated the French army?  Is he aware of the fact that if there was a Congressional Medal of Cycling that Lance Armstrong’s face would be emblazoned across it and he would be the only person to win it...every year?  Has anyone told him that Lance Armstrong is equivalent to John Wayne in spandex?  Has Bode Miller ever beaten cancer and gone on to star in a movie with Vince Vaughn?

Bode Miller, you have just lost the American public.  Whenever you bash a man who considers coming out of retirement for the sole reason of pissing off the French, there is going to be backlash.

I’m sorry it had to end this way Bode, I really am.  If there was anyone looking forward to watching you win and writing a story about it, it was me.  However, there are some lines that just don’t get crossed.  I’m still going to watch the Olympics though, all 745,323,301 hours of coverage on NBC, and so will the rest of America.  I just wish Lance could find a winter sport to compete in now...