The repetitive, yet, extremely catchy theme song from the “Drew Carey Show” is accurate, both literally and figuratively. Home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland most definitely rocks in a “put another dime in the jukebox, baby” kind of way. A mere twenty-dollar bill will admit any open-minded adult to check out memorabilia such as Madonna’s “Vogue” cone-bra or Paul McCartney’s “Sergeant Pepper” outfit. (And someday, fingers crossed, Janet Jackson’s nipple-ring.) Although it is debatable as to exactly why the Mecca of rock and roll is located in “the city by the lake,” whatever side of the pointless argument you’re on, either way, it’s there, and it’s worth visiting.

However, Cleveland offers much more than a pilgrimage for music lovers. There is commerce, night-life, and three of the nicest sporting venues any “real” fan could possibly ask for.

Unless you count the fictional seasons when Pedro Cerrano, Jake Taylor, Willie Mays Hayes and “Wild Thing” Rick Vaughn lead the Cleveland Indians to the Word Series, loyal followers of Chief Wahoo’s Tribe had little to cheer about for a few decades. Other than “Ten-Cent Beer Night” of June 4 in 1974 when the Indians forfeited the game to the Texas Rangers because intoxicated fans disrupted the game, the excitement level during baseball games was non-existent. Even after 1987 when Sports Illustrated placed a couple of Indians players on the cover of the baseball preview and predicted they would win the pennant, the Tribe lost 101 games, falling juuuuuust a bit short. The Indians were a losing franchise, and Cleveland, as far as baseball was concerned, was a losing atmosphere. A change was needed…then “The Jake” was built.

Although Cleveland Municipal Stadium rated fairly high on the character scale, it was far from an impressive piece of architecture, aesthetically speaking. However, the Cleveland attendance topped 2 million in the1993 “farewell to the stadium” season, which helped build the momentum for an unprecedented run of sell-out crowds, and more importantly, division titles.

While playing at the friendly confines of the new and beautiful Jacob’s Field, good trades, acquisitions and player development made the Indians an American League powerhouse in the ‘90’s. After the ridiculously lame player’s strike brought their successful 1994 campaign to an abrupt and highly unfortunate halt, the Indians went on to win the American League Pennant in 1995. And although they lost to the Atlanta Braves in the World Series, the Indians had formed an infrastructure of talent and leadership that would go on to play some downright impressive baseball seasons.

Although the Indians brought success to Cleveland, they still managed to simultaneously deliver heartache. In game 7 of the 1997 World Series, the Tribe entered the bottom of the ninth inning with a 2-1 lead. However, with the usually reliable Jose Mesa on the mound, Moises Alou singled to lead off the inning and then advanced to third on a base hit by Charles Johnson. When rookie Craig Counsell drove Alou in on a clutch sacrifice fly, the game was tied at 2-2, and the contest became only the third World Series Game 7 in history to go into extra-innings. The Marlins went on to win the Series in the bottom of the 11th.

Despite the heartaches, Indians fans can look back at one hell of a run. After six division titles and an amazing streak 455 home sell-outs, Tribe Fans can look back at an era that re-established Cleveland as a baseball town. And even though the majority of the players from that successful run have moved on, Cleveland fans can now look forward to baseball season not only hoping to contend, but expecting to contend. If the Indians would hire Bob Uecker to announce their games, then a summer in Cleveland would be downright surreal.

Of course, there is nothing like some good nightlife to add to the surrealism of a summer, or any season for that matter. Alice Cooper’s restaurant, as well as the Winking Lizard, offers a fun menu and atmosphere for a pre-or-post-game meal. Of course, for a “Purple Haze” and a great Philly Cheese Steak, The Hard Rock Café is a fine option. However, restaurants don’t exactly provide the “scenery” that a “real” sports fan would want to take in after a victory. But fear not visitors of Cleveland, there are plenty of locations for anyone with an eye for “scenery.” 

 Perhaps the most exciting part of Cleveland is an area known as “The Flats,” a place that, ironically, if you look in certain designated establishments, you will find plenty of “curves.” However, even if you don’t want your evening to involve a fat roll of one dollar bills and a plethora of ladies named after cities, “The Flats” offers a variety of bars where the employees are fully clothed.

Summertime in Cleveland is eventful, but winter brings “The Gift.” LeBron James, along with his teammates, has turned Cleveland’s Gund Arena into much more than a fine venue for concerts. The James-lead Cavaliers have emerged as one of the NBA’s up and coming franchises. And although the Cavs are probably a player away from being threatening, they are still far above mediocrity. If LeBron continues to improve his skills and involve his teammates, Cavs fans will soon forget the bad injuries, the bad trades, and “The Shot”: all things that have haunted the franchise for nearly two decades.

Although the suddenly optimistic Cavaliers fans have suffered their share of anguish, perhaps no other franchise in sports has been on a roller coaster ride quite like the Cleveland Browns. Elway orchestrated “The Drive,” and the Browns backers survived. Byner lost “The Fumble,” and still, The Dawg Pound lived on. Even after Art Modell uprooted the heart and soul of the city and moved the franchise to Baltimore, the Browns fans still continue to be patient with a less than impressive expansion team. Despite their struggle to re-gain their ‘80’s prominence, the Browns may be the only team that has three legitimate rivalries. The newest arch-rivals, the Baltimore Ravens, are always an easy team for fans to get fired-up for. They are a reminder of all that is corrupt in sports bureaucracies. In contrast to the yearly home and home “Revenge Bowl,” the Browns’ biggest and oldest rivalry is with the Pittsburgh Steelers, their longtime nemesis from just east of the state border. To say that Browns fans detest Steelers fans would be a bigger understatement than saying Democrats are angry at Republicans. Insert the intra-state rivals Cincinnati Bengals, whose late ‘80’s match-ups with the Browns epitomized the word rivalry, and the Browns have an intense 6-game bragging rights slugfest every season. But that’s the very persona that makes the team in the NFL’s plainest uniforms the iconic franchise that they are. 

Cleveland fans are optimistic. They could be throwing darts at pictures of Jose Mesa. They could be daydreaming about Bill Belicheck and asking themselves, “What if?” They could be watching Jordan’s 1989 jumper over Craig Ehlo 1,000 times a day and screaming, “NOOOOOOO!” They could even be blaming their 40 year championship drought on the ridiculous “Curse of Rocky Colavito.” However, they put their faith in the young, aggressive Indians. They support the recently-hired Romeo Crennel. And even as the Cavs continue to shuffle their management, the fans fork over the dough to see “King James,” the NBA’s next phenomenon. Clevelanders are a vital part of the city’s plead of being “Sports-town, USA.”  Because they are, by no means, “casual” sports fans. They maintain the patience and work ethic that is involved in cheering for a team. The Indians stunk, then they became a powerhouse. The Cavs struggled, and then came Lebron. Even after Modell acted like a gold-digging girlfriend who leaves you for someone who buys her a new Lexus rather than an old pick-up truck, Browns fans still keep the faith. And although the money-hungry ex ended up winning the lottery (Super Bowl), a true Midwesterner knows that patience, like a good pick-up truck, is a virtue. And with patience comes longevity. Clevelanders stood by their teams though the good times, the bad times, the ugly times, and the “I can’t believe Mesa just blew the F****ing World Series” times. And if that loyalty that nearly qualifies as borderline insanity is not a sign of a true sports-city, then maybe a true sports-city is nonexistent.

Cleveland is the very definition of a sports city. But there’s more, much more, than three new stadiums to see in the city by the Cuyahoga. So if the opportunity presents itself, take a road trip to Cleveland, the home of all the “kids growing up on the skids.” And if the mood strikes, you may even find a club with the “chicks with their crimson lips.” Like I said, Cleveland rocks.