Party Time
http://www.atomicsportsmedia.com/articles/522/1/Party-Time.html
Steven Michalovich
Steven Michalovich has been writing for Atomic Sports Media since February 2006 and is a senior at The Ohio state University.Michalovich will graduate in June 2007 with a degree in strategic communication and a minor in business. He is a huge Ohio State, Cleveland sports and Columbus Blue Jackets fan, and his ideal career would be to work in public relations and marketing for a major sports franchise.
By Steven Michalovich
Published on 07/23/2006
Athletes have money, fame and women. It's the perfect recipe for a good time. Atomic Sports columnist Steven Michalovich counts down his top athletes he'd like to party with.
As I sit on the porch of my college house on a lazy Tuesday evening in July sipping on some cheap beers, I found my mind wandering. Don’t get me wrong, watching two of my roommates compete against each other by trying to throw bean bags over their heads from across the street into a small hole is very compelling to watch. Even more than the Edward 40 Hands that we played the week prior. (If you are unfamiliar, read this or check out this picture.)
I watched the 39th bag thrown soar across the hazy sky, and I began to think about what it would be like to party with some of sports’ elite. We are living in an era of powerful sports personalities, who I’m sure know how to loosen up and have a good time. After some brainstorming, (and another Bud Light), I came up with my list of athletes I’d like to party with.
Travis Hafner
Ok, this might seem like a strange pick, and this may be because I am a bias (and bitter) Cleveland Indians fan, but Pronk is a good, old country boy from North Dakota. He’d show you a good time in the small town setting. I’m thinking the night would start off with a game of horseshoes or some fishing, accompanied by Guinnesses. Then T-Haf and I will cruise on into town and put a few back with some of his friendly high school buddies. Then we get the idea to take a walk up to one of the local farms for a session in “cow-tipping.” Hafner and I are just about to tip over the lethargic cow, when the landowner comes out of the house screaming for us to get out of there. We sprint off of the land laughing hysterically until we reach the House-o-Pronk, where we do shots of whiskey and play pool the rest of the night.
David Ortiz
Big Papi is always smiling and having a good time on the field. I can’t imagine what it would be like to hang out with the slugger for a day. Big Papi and I would take a trip down to his native country of the Dominican Republic to soak up some sun for the day. We will relax on the beaches of the Atlantic Ocean, while he tells stories about what it was like winning the World Series. During this time, Mai Tais and Margaritas are in our hands. As the afternoon winds down and evening approaches, we decide to get some grub. After some delicious eats and a few more drinks, we check out the nightlife that the Dominican has to offer. Big Papi shows me an amazing time, and I’m surprised to discover that the big guy is a superb dancer. In my euphoria about the night, I get a tattoo on my bicep that reads Big Papi is the Man.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.
No. 8 takes me to his exquisite home. I ask him for a drink, but he tells me to hold off on the drinks for now. He takes me into the garage and there sits his No. 8 Budweiser Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS. “Hop in,” he says with a smile. I jump into the vehicle, and he slips into the passenger side. “Take it for a spin.” He leads me to a private racecourse, where the road is totally mine. I drive the car for hours, and time flies by. We finally pull into the driveway, and just when I think this day couldn’t get any better, Dale surprises me. Dale Jr. set us up for when we got back, arranging for a buffet of barbeque ribs and chicken wings and an enormous cooler of what else? Budweiser. To top it all off, the movie Days of Thunder is cued up for our viewing pleasure in his theater room.
John McEnroe
Never before have I been interested in tennis. After watching a match with Johnny McEnroe, my thoughts will change. I’d imagine we’d attend the event with front-row seats. It is a doubles match with the Williams sisters facing-off against the team of Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova. No complaints so far. The bout is under way, and I’m finding myself trying to keep up with Johnny Mac, who has already downed three Jack and Cokes. Halfway through the match, he realizes that he had a run-in with this referee in his glory days. Before I slurp down the last gulp of my fifth cocktail, McEnroe is taunting the referee. The outrageous things that were spewing from his lips are some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard anyone say, none of which are appropriate for this article. After the match, we take the party to the streets of New York and end up meeting the four competitors from today’s match in one of the bars. I have a new found respect for tennis, and more importantly, Johnny McEnroe.
Chad Johnson
The Captain of On-The-Field-Hijinx himself, Chad Johnson, takes me out on an outrageous night. After picking up a few of his buddies in his Cadillac Escalade, we go to Wal-Mart. That’s right, Wal-Mart. Chad arranged for us to have the whole store for an all-out game of ball tag. After a few hours of that, we drive over to Carson Palmer’s house. Chad is known for being a trickster with his teammates. He pops open the trunk and inside is over 200 rolls of toilet paper. “I do this at least twice a week, and he still has no idea it’s me,” he laughs as he puts his gold fronts onto his teeth. After we turn Palmer’s house into a shrine to T.P., we stop by McDonald’s for some late night munchies on our way back to his crib. We spend the night watching his self-produced video Classic Moments in the Career of Chad Johnson, drinking champagne and prank calling the Pittsburgh Steelers’ defensive backs.
Shaquille O’Neal
On Shaq’s personal plane, we fly to Las Vegas. While there, the two of us hit the casinos. The Diesel and me both hit it big at the Blackjack tables, and we celebrate with some cigars and some Long Island Iced Teas. He leads me outside and sitting there is a brand new, silver Maserati. “Just a little gift for coming out with me tonight,” Shaq explains. Shaq is notorious for giving outlandish gifts. We stroll through the strip of Vegas, hitting random hotspots on the way. Then, we go into the Colosseum of Caesar’s Palace. Shortly after we take our seats, the lights flash brightly. Jay-Z, Eminem, Chamillionaire and Lil’ Wayne have come together for an once-in-a-lifetime concert. Shaq then pops a bottle of Cristal and says, “Enjoy my man.”
Matt Leinart
Martinis in one of the most famous clubs in southern California is how my night begins with Mr. Hollywood of football himself, Matt Leinart. Next thing I know, the entire USC Cheerleading squad joins us, and they are all in full uniform. This seems odd since we are in such a posh setting, but I’m not questioning their decision. Throughout the rest of the night, famous celebrities stop by to talk with me and the “golden boy” of USC football. Derek Jeter stops by for a Vodka Tonic, Jessica Simpson slides into the booth for an Amaretto Sour, Colin Farrell chats for a few minutes while taking down an Irish Car Bomb. While chatting with Halle Berry, she mentions that they need a lead part for X-men 4, and that I would be great for it. Did I mention that I love Matt Leinart?
Charles Barkley
Sir Charles gives me a call early one morning and randomly asks if I would like to swing the links today. I, without a moment’s hesitation, comply and meet him at the course. He’s not alone. Michael Jordan and Bill Murray are standing in the clubhouse with Charles sipping on some imported beers. “How about we try 36 holes today?” MJ says to me. Next thing I know, I’m spending the rest of my day throwing back expensive, imported beer and playing golf with two of the greatest basketball players to ever live and one of the funniest men alive. After the long, but surprisingly not grueling day, we tally the scores and discover that I edged out Michael by one stroke to take the crown. Cuban cigars, upper body massages and soaks in the Jacuzzi at the spa cap off our day. Sir Charles mentions that he’d like to do this every Saturday, and the rest of us agree.
LeBron James
What’s it like to party like a king? LeBron may be the closest to actually knowing what that’s like. He invited me to his castle (house), where we start the night with a magnificent feast (dinner) of assorted meats and wine. Then, we are provided with entertainment (SportsCenter) as we indulge in the finest deserts (Fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies). We dress in the finest Gucci suits and proceed downstairs. The whole first floor has transformed into a wild party with some of the most famous people on the planet. Usher and Justin Timberlake are having a dance-off. The Olson twins are playing beer pong against Dave Chappelle and Paul Walker. Will Ferrell is in the back taking down beer bongs. Suddenly everyone begins to applaud LeBron and me as he puts a crown on my head and then puts his on. The rest of the night is the most amazing and unbelievable of my life and hands down the best party that I’ve ever been to.
Except of course last Tuesday, beers and throwing contests with your friends are second to none. If the opportunity to party with one of these guys ever comes up, I’ll surely jump onto the chance. But for now, I’m perfectly happy enjoying the rest of my college career taping glass bottles to my body and partying foolishly with my friends.
Cheers everyone!
Steven Michalovich is a regular contributor to Atomic Sports Media. He can be reached at steven.michalovich@atomicsportsmedia.com.
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Athletes have money, fame and women. It's the perfect recipe for a good time. Atomic Sports columnist Steven Michalovich counts down his top athletes he'd like to party with.
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As I sit on the porch of my college house on a lazy Tuesday evening in July sipping on some cheap beers, I found my mind wandering. Don’t get me wrong, watching two of my roommates compete against each other by trying to throw bean bags over their heads from across the street into a small hole is very compelling to watch. Even more than the Edward 40 Hands that we played the week prior. (If you are unfamiliar, read this or check out this picture.)
I watched the 39th bag thrown soar across the hazy sky, and I began to think about what it would be like to party with some of sports’ elite. We are living in an era of powerful sports personalities, who I’m sure know how to loosen up and have a good time. After some brainstorming, (and another Bud Light), I came up with my list of athletes I’d like to party with.
Travis Hafner
Ok, this might seem like a strange pick, and this may be because I am a bias (and bitter) Cleveland Indians fan, but Pronk is a good, old country boy from North Dakota. He’d show you a good time in the small town setting. I’m thinking the night would start off with a game of horseshoes or some fishing, accompanied by Guinnesses. Then T-Haf and I will cruise on into town and put a few back with some of his friendly high school buddies. Then we get the idea to take a walk up to one of the local farms for a session in “cow-tipping.” Hafner and I are just about to tip over the lethargic cow, when the landowner comes out of the house screaming for us to get out of there. We sprint off of the land laughing hysterically until we reach the House-o-Pronk, where we do shots of whiskey and play pool the rest of the night.
David Ortiz
Big Papi is always smiling and having a good time on the field. I can’t imagine what it would be like to hang out with the slugger for a day. Big Papi and I would take a trip down to his native country of the Dominican Republic to soak up some sun for the day. We will relax on the beaches of the Atlantic Ocean, while he tells stories about what it was like winning the World Series. During this time, Mai Tais and Margaritas are in our hands. As the afternoon winds down and evening approaches, we decide to get some grub. After some delicious eats and a few more drinks, we check out the nightlife that the Dominican has to offer. Big Papi shows me an amazing time, and I’m surprised to discover that the big guy is a superb dancer. In my euphoria about the night, I get a tattoo on my bicep that reads Big Papi is the Man.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.
No. 8 takes me to his exquisite home. I ask him for a drink, but he tells me to hold off on the drinks for now. He takes me into the garage and there sits his No. 8 Budweiser Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS. “Hop in,” he says with a smile. I jump into the vehicle, and he slips into the passenger side. “Take it for a spin.” He leads me to a private racecourse, where the road is totally mine. I drive the car for hours, and time flies by. We finally pull into the driveway, and just when I think this day couldn’t get any better, Dale surprises me. Dale Jr. set us up for when we got back, arranging for a buffet of barbeque ribs and chicken wings and an enormous cooler of what else? Budweiser. To top it all off, the movie Days of Thunder is cued up for our viewing pleasure in his theater room.
John McEnroe
Never before have I been interested in tennis. After watching a match with Johnny McEnroe, my thoughts will change. I’d imagine we’d attend the event with front-row seats. It is a doubles match with the Williams sisters facing-off against the team of Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova. No complaints so far. The bout is under way, and I’m finding myself trying to keep up with Johnny Mac, who has already downed three Jack and Cokes. Halfway through the match, he realizes that he had a run-in with this referee in his glory days. Before I slurp down the last gulp of my fifth cocktail, McEnroe is taunting the referee. The outrageous things that were spewing from his lips are some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard anyone say, none of which are appropriate for this article. After the match, we take the party to the streets of New York and end up meeting the four competitors from today’s match in one of the bars. I have a new found respect for tennis, and more importantly, Johnny McEnroe.
Chad Johnson
The Captain of On-The-Field-Hijinx himself, Chad Johnson, takes me out on an outrageous night. After picking up a few of his buddies in his Cadillac Escalade, we go to Wal-Mart. That’s right, Wal-Mart. Chad arranged for us to have the whole store for an all-out game of ball tag. After a few hours of that, we drive over to Carson Palmer’s house. Chad is known for being a trickster with his teammates. He pops open the trunk and inside is over 200 rolls of toilet paper. “I do this at least twice a week, and he still has no idea it’s me,” he laughs as he puts his gold fronts onto his teeth. After we turn Palmer’s house into a shrine to T.P., we stop by McDonald’s for some late night munchies on our way back to his crib. We spend the night watching his self-produced video Classic Moments in the Career of Chad Johnson, drinking champagne and prank calling the Pittsburgh Steelers’ defensive backs.
Shaquille O’Neal
On Shaq’s personal plane, we fly to Las Vegas. While there, the two of us hit the casinos. The Diesel and me both hit it big at the Blackjack tables, and we celebrate with some cigars and some Long Island Iced Teas. He leads me outside and sitting there is a brand new, silver Maserati. “Just a little gift for coming out with me tonight,” Shaq explains. Shaq is notorious for giving outlandish gifts. We stroll through the strip of Vegas, hitting random hotspots on the way. Then, we go into the Colosseum of Caesar’s Palace. Shortly after we take our seats, the lights flash brightly. Jay-Z, Eminem, Chamillionaire and Lil’ Wayne have come together for an once-in-a-lifetime concert. Shaq then pops a bottle of Cristal and says, “Enjoy my man.”
Matt Leinart
Martinis in one of the most famous clubs in southern California is how my night begins with Mr. Hollywood of football himself, Matt Leinart. Next thing I know, the entire USC Cheerleading squad joins us, and they are all in full uniform. This seems odd since we are in such a posh setting, but I’m not questioning their decision. Throughout the rest of the night, famous celebrities stop by to talk with me and the “golden boy” of USC football. Derek Jeter stops by for a Vodka Tonic, Jessica Simpson slides into the booth for an Amaretto Sour, Colin Farrell chats for a few minutes while taking down an Irish Car Bomb. While chatting with Halle Berry, she mentions that they need a lead part for X-men 4, and that I would be great for it. Did I mention that I love Matt Leinart?
Charles Barkley
Sir Charles gives me a call early one morning and randomly asks if I would like to swing the links today. I, without a moment’s hesitation, comply and meet him at the course. He’s not alone. Michael Jordan and Bill Murray are standing in the clubhouse with Charles sipping on some imported beers. “How about we try 36 holes today?” MJ says to me. Next thing I know, I’m spending the rest of my day throwing back expensive, imported beer and playing golf with two of the greatest basketball players to ever live and one of the funniest men alive. After the long, but surprisingly not grueling day, we tally the scores and discover that I edged out Michael by one stroke to take the crown. Cuban cigars, upper body massages and soaks in the Jacuzzi at the spa cap off our day. Sir Charles mentions that he’d like to do this every Saturday, and the rest of us agree.
LeBron James
What’s it like to party like a king? LeBron may be the closest to actually knowing what that’s like. He invited me to his castle (house), where we start the night with a magnificent feast (dinner) of assorted meats and wine. Then, we are provided with entertainment (SportsCenter) as we indulge in the finest deserts (Fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies). We dress in the finest Gucci suits and proceed downstairs. The whole first floor has transformed into a wild party with some of the most famous people on the planet. Usher and Justin Timberlake are having a dance-off. The Olson twins are playing beer pong against Dave Chappelle and Paul Walker. Will Ferrell is in the back taking down beer bongs. Suddenly everyone begins to applaud LeBron and me as he puts a crown on my head and then puts his on. The rest of the night is the most amazing and unbelievable of my life and hands down the best party that I’ve ever been to.
Except of course last Tuesday, beers and throwing contests with your friends are second to none. If the opportunity to party with one of these guys ever comes up, I’ll surely jump onto the chance. But for now, I’m perfectly happy enjoying the rest of my college career taping glass bottles to my body and partying foolishly with my friends.
Cheers everyone!
Steven Michalovich is a regular contributor to Atomic Sports Media. He can be reached at steven.michalovich@atomicsportsmedia.com.