“I can’t believe you did that,” James said. He was laughing hard now.

“I know, I know, just give me my damn money.”

I’m sure you can guess how this one goes. We lost it all. Well not all of it; there was about $10 left. All my hopes and dreams rested on those ten dollars. I pulled the lever; the three wheels spun quickly and stopped abruptly. Loser. We sat there and waited for the waitress came around.

“Two Coors Lights,” we said.

The drinks were free but only as long as you were gambling. We spent one dollar, pulled the lever, watched it miss, then waited for the beer girl to come back. No way in hell we’re leaving millionaires so we might as well leave drunk.

The digital reading on the slot machine showed a No. 1. One pull left. I pulled it and walked away without watching. I lost.

“Well you’re not supposed to go to bed in a casino,” James said. “Usually you stay up and gamble all night but…”

We had nothing left so we went to bed. I was out $290. Idiot.

I slept really well that night despite my stupidity, and I woke up with a renewed feeling of luck. Idiot.

My cousin apparently felt the same way.

“Hey, uh, you want to go do what we did last night?” he said.

I knew what he meant. His wife wouldn’t let him have any money and I was young and dumb and had a piece of plastic that magically gave me money I didn’t have.

“Yeah, I’m feeling good today,” I said.

We headed back to the ATM, only this time I had called my mom and asked if she could put $250 in my checking account first thing Monday morning. She reluctantly agreed. (I didn’t tell her it was for gambling but I think she knew what was up. I’m an idiot.)

This time I got $150 out went to the cashier who again scanned my i.d. and fingerprinted me.

We started with a different plan this time. We were on the floor early enough to get a seat at one of the $10 black jack tables. For better or worse, black jack would be our game.

So there we were; a pregnant wife in an oversized shirt, a late 20-something in an oversized, black one-pocket T-shirt, and me; a motley crew to say the least.

We played a little black jack and we won. Our luck had turned, finally. Charlotte sat in the seat, James told her what to do, and I stored the money in my pocket, and my pockets began filling up. We floated around to a few different tables, and we kept winning. Up over $400 dollars at one point, neared $500, and then fell back to $420.

“Alright guys, I’m ready to go,” Charlotte said.

We weren’t going to argue. I practically skipped to the cashier as my heavy pockets swung back and forth with the weight off the poker chips.

“What can I get for this many?” I asked jokingly as I emptied my pockets.

I can’t remember the exact amount. I think it was like $390 or $400. I was down roughly $40 for the weekend but that was a hundred times better than being out $440

Charlotte had to use the restroom and get a drink before we finally took off. It took probably five minutes, tops, but I had money now and what I thought was a lucky slot machine giving me a dirty look.

Her five-minute detour cost me $40. The whole time my cousin is laughing at me.

“That’s it, get me out of here,” I said. “I’m never going to a casino again as long as I live.”

If the story ended here, then all is well and Jim learns a relatively cheap lesson that he can tell you all about as a public service. But the story doesn’t end here. On the way home, we passed another slots-only casino named Delta Downs.

“Can we please stop?” James asked Charlotte. “We always say we’ll stop here but we never do.”

She didn’t say anything but I knew she was the only sensible one in the car. No way she was going to stop at another casino. Then we slowed down, and the turn signal clicked on and we were merging onto the exit ramp.

I was again filled with that unbridled excitement of the chance to win money, lots of money. Maybe I’ll come out of this place a millionaire. I’m an idiot.

I spent all my time in the High Roller room on the five-dollar slots. James was cheering me on at every pull.

“James is living vicariously through you Jimmy,” Charlotte said.

“Well I can’t let him down,” I thought. “If that was true it means I’m the one actually living vicariously. Right?”

And another $20 was swallowed up.

Long story short I lost it all. Gone in an hour or so.

We left Delta Downs and on the way home stopped at a Burger King. I didn’t really feel like eating. My stomach hurt.