As it turns out, $300 million just doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Sure, Cubs fans are clamoring about their big-spending team’s whirlwind offseason in which the Northsiders spent money like it grew on trees – or at least ivy vines. But the truth is, after all that cash was dolled out, the Cubs are still no lock for .500 – let alone a World Series appearance.

Just take a look at where the money went:

Alfonso Soriano was the blockbuster, coming in at eight years and $136 million. No one argues this guy is a stud, but the Cubs’ biggest problem for the past few seasons has been getting on base, and Soriano boasts a woeful .325 career OBP. Plus, just a year after he threatened to sit out the season rather than play left field, the Cubs are looking to move the 30-year-old to center this season. That should be interesting.

The starting pitching was the next area to be retooled. With Kerry Wood headed to the bullpen (after signing a modest new deal worth 1.75 million for one  year), and Mark Prior once again ailing, the Cubs opened up the checkbook to sign Ted Lilly (four years, $40 million) and Jason Marquis (three years, $21 million). The only problem here is, Lilly has only had one season in which he finished with an ERA less than 4.25 and has never logged 200 innings in a season, and Marquis was the single worst pitcher in the National League last season, based on ERA.

The spending didn’t stop there, however. Mark DeRosa and his 38 career home runs and .331 lifetime on-base percentage got a three-year, $13-million deal. Cliff Floyd, who has played more than 125 games in a year just four times in his 14 Major League seasons, got a one-year, $3-million contract. And Aramis Ramirez, who the team could have signed to an extension for much less during the season, cashed in during the offseason to the tune of five years and $75 million.

Add in the $10 million Chicago is paying new manager Lou Pinella and the $10 it paid pitching prospect Jeff Samardzija to bid adieu to football, and the total offseason price tag was more than $317 million. Needless to say, that’s a lot of Old Styles.

But giving a GM on the hot seat carte blanche during the offseason is the rough equivalent of turning Robert Downey Jr. loose on Pablo Escobar’s secret stash. Even amid the most lackluster of free-agent classes, Jim Hendry just couldn’t help himself.

Of course, all that money may have made the Cubs better – but after a 66-96 season in which they finished with the worst record in the National League, is that really saying much?

Soriano and a healthy Derek Lee (who played just 50 games last season) will give the offense some serious power, but with a complete lack of on-base players, the Cubs are almost certain to lead the league in solo home runs.

What’s worse is, the signing of DeRosa and Floyd (combined with Jacques Jones’ immovable contract and the absurd acquisition of Cesar Izturis) mean talented youngsters like Matt Murton, Ryan Theriot, Ronny Cedeno and Felix Pie won’t see the field often.

Of course, it’s the additions to the pitching staff that truly boggles the mind.

Why would a team shell out $7 million per year for a pitcher sporting a 6.02 ERA after giving significant innings to talented youngsters like Angel Guzman, Carlos Marmol and Sean Marshall a year ago?

What’s worse is, while the Cubs forked over a combined $61 million to Lilly and Marquis, they forgot to hammer out a deal with ace Carlos Zambrano. So when Barry Zito landed a $126-million deal, the price for Zambrano skyrocketed, and chances are Lilly will be the ace in Chicago next season, while the Cubs’ best starter for the past four years will be racking up innings in New York or L.A.