7. “Playoffs!#$%@ Playoffs!#$@”

I’ve been fortunate enough in my young career not to have asked a question that sends a coach or an athlete on a tirade. But when it finally happens, I would like it to be a Jim Mora/Herm Edwards/Bobby Knight type of rant. I’ll be thoroughly disappointed if Boston Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli snaps at me at a press conference of five reporters after a loss this winter.

8. Barry Bonds - You can have Hank Aaron’s Major League home run record.

Seriously. I’ve come to accept it. Take it. Good for you!

As we all know, Sadaharu Oh still holds the game’s all-time record with 868 home runs. And Barry Bonds, my friends, is no Sadaharu Oh.

Bonds also doesn’t have what he truly covets -- a World Series ring. His career will eventually be defined by two October failures: The lollypop throw that allowed Sid Bream to score the winning run in Game 7 of the 1992 NLCS, and Bonds’ half-hearted glove-flail on Troy Glaus’ game-winning double in Game 6 of the 2002 World Series -- game which his team led 5-0 in the seventh inning.

Before the Giants epic collapse, Bonds was the sure-fire World Series MVP with four homers and a .500 average over the first six games. His towering blast off of Francisco Rodriguez in the sixth inning  was the exclamation point, the icing on the cake. The victory platform and champagne was all but set up in the clubhouse as his World Series dreams sailed right over his head.

Given the scandals and admissions that followed. It wasn’t the Rally Monkey, or the bullpen. It was divine intervention.

9. Story Updates

Defending Don Imus: Let’s see… The coach signs a book deal. Nike prints a full-page ad. And the hot rumor has the I-Man returning in January, with the same people that kicked him to the curb (Rudy, McCain and Kerry), kissing his behind as Election Season comes calling.

It’s hard to pick the biggest hypocrite; We have the Rutgers Athletic Department seeing dollar signs, there’s the Governor of New Jersey who nearly died in a car wreck on his way to a photo-op, and then there’s CBS, who if the rumor is true, thoughtlessly caved into immediate public pressure, satisfying their immediate bottom line without a replacement in sight, before flip-flopping after they saw the Springtime ratings book.

And what did the Rutgers players get? Absolutely nothing. And it would have been an NCAA violation to take Oprah’s gift bag.

Fenway Faux Pas: We can add ‘Sweet Caroline’ to the list of things wrong with nouveau riche Red Sox Nation. This so-called tradition dates back to 2003 (2002 at the earliest) so when people talk romantically about it, especially in the context of the ballpark’s rich history and tradition, it’s simply disgusting. And it’s also not unique to Fenway, I’ve heard it both at Madison Square Garden and Giants Stadium.

“Sweet Caroline” - The 21st century wave. Coming to a ballpark/arena/stadium near you.

10. The WNBA - After watching (sleeping through) San Antonio Cleveland, I’m pretty sure I could market the WNBA based on the fundamentals/passing/flow/attractiveness that the NBA doesn’t have.

For example:

“The Phoenix Mercury - We score more points in 40 minutes than the Suns do in 48!”

“The Seattle Storm - Because Sue Bird is cuter than Nick Collison!”

“Hello, I’m Alana Beard. Do you think Gilbert Arenas knows the difference between a 1-3-1 defense and a match-up zone? No. Me either.”

It’s just too bad the WNBA and the NBA operate under the same roof.

11. The Big Aristotle - I would like to give the my unique stamp of approval Shaquille O’Neal and his new reality show, “Shaq’s Big Challenge.” (ABC, Tuesday’s 9:00/8:00)

Shaq has always had that magical Jordanesque touch, projecting a loveable image that extends well beyond the casual sports fan. It will be tough for the NBA to replace him upon his retirement, which given his body, seems sooner rather than later. It will also be interesting to see if LeBron James can take the torch and become the face of the league’s public image, much like O’Neal did after Jordan retired for the second time in 1998.

12. Rachel Ray - Like Martha Stewart, only younger, with perkier breasts and 5,000 times more annoying. Apparently she’s doing commercials for Dunkin’ Donuts now. Fred the Baker must be spinning in his grave, or trying to grab (cut to black, David Chase style) from his perch high above.

13. David Beckham - All name. Not enough game. (anymore)

For this country to truly embrace soccer, we must have all of the World’s elite players, in their prime, like every other professional sport in this country. If that happened, soccer would automatically to vault to No. 2, right behind the NFL in everything from TV ratings to marketing and fan support. The evidence already exists; it’s called the 1994 World Cup.

Until that happens, I've got to place the U.S. Under-20 World Cup run ahead of Beckham's arrival, as the biggest American soccer story of 2007.