How to Defend Teen Wolf
http://www.atomicsportsmedia.com/articles/959/1/How-to-Defend-Teen-Wolf/How-to-Defend-Teen-Wolf.html
Jim Ludes
Jim Ludes is a contributing writer for Atomic Sports Media. He also carries an unused degree in elementary education and sells ridiculous amounts of real estate in Will and Grundy County,
By Jim Ludes
Published on 01/23/2008
He's the master of the two-handed dunk. He's literally a beast on the boards. He even marks his territory. So how do defenses slow down Teen Wolf? Atomic Sports columnist Jim Ludes comes up with a game plan.
He's the master of the two-handed dunk. He's literally a beast on the boards. He even marks his territory. So how do defenses slow down Teen Wolf? Atomic Sports columnist Jim Ludes comes up with a game plan.
How to Defend Teen Wolf
“You can’t stop Scott Howard; you can only hope to contain him.” And even that is probably a futile defensive plan, at best.
In the three-and-a-half years that Howard has been playing high school basketball for the Beavers, wins have been very difficult to come by. Coach Bobby Finstock has literally stolen his coaching stipend and taught the team no more than rudimentary basketball skill and teamwork. None of that matters now. Through genetics he was previously unaware of, Howard has shown his true face, and it’s really, really hairy. For you see, Scott Howard is a werewolf.
He’s not a run-of-the-mill, howl-at-the-moon-when-it’s-full kind of werewolf either. He’s a bonified stud of the hardwood. The additional powers one gains in a late-puberty werewolfing are well-suited for basketball. The heightened sense of one’s surroundings, extreme bursts of speed and hind-leg power have turned him into a potential All-American.
Very little game-film exists of Howard in action but I think I’ve devised the best plan of attack in defending him. At its root, the plan is as simple as using his own talents against him.
1. He loves to dribble. A wolf can run 35-40 miles per hour on the hunt. A basketball playing “part-wolf” can get nowhere near that speed. He’s still the fastest guy with the best stamina on the court, but if you force him to run around, he may wear down late in the game. At the very least, the additional hair in his tight shorts will certainly cause some uncomfortable chaffing.
2. Becoming a werewolf may heighten one’s athletic ability, but it does not erase a decade or so of poor fundamentals. Howard still looks down at the ball as he dribbles. He can go both right and left but has shown no evidence of a cross-over of any sort. Double-team him on the perimeter and force him to work outside or trip him if all else fails. Forcing unnecessary, aggressive, bodily contact with a werewolf comes with warnings which I hope are obvious.
3. With his newfound skill and fame, he has seemingly forgotten he plays with four Beavers all the time. His teammates have been neglected the ball and the spotlight and are becoming frustrated. Howard’s even gone as far as stealing it from them. Use this to your advantage! “Even Kobe passes to Walton’s kid now and again” and other such phrases should be rehearsed prior to tip-off.
4. That said, Howard is developing a nice behind-the-back pass with each hand. When you double-team (which you should always be doing) or triple-team him (if need be), make sure you’re not leaving guys open underneath. This team has no shooting range! The fat kid will drain some hook shots from about 15 feet, but you let Chubby beat you, not the wolf.
5. Get back on defense. This cannot be stressed enough! If Howard grabs a board, he will immediately look to take it coast to coast for a two-handed power slam. You may even consider playing offense with four players while dropping a safety back.
6. As part of his over-aggressiveness, he will almost always attempt to steal a pass. He’s not yet developed into a huge shot-blocking threat but pump fakes and fake passes should be used as often as possible. Keep your offense moving to confuse and frustrate him.
7. If all else fails in the physical realm, talk. Run some gab about his mom – he hates that! Make up something about Boof and Styles. Let him know you heard through the grapevine that Mick McAllister makes Dirk Diggler look like a toddler and he doesn’t have fleas. Anything to get in his head. However, be aware that there are certain risks one takes in challenging the manhood of a werewolf.
I hope the tips help. If they don’t, too bad, he was going to drop a 40-spot on you anyway. Just be thankful to get out of the gym with no maimed players!
In the three-and-a-half years that Howard has been playing high school basketball for the Beavers, wins have been very difficult to come by. Coach Bobby Finstock has literally stolen his coaching stipend and taught the team no more than rudimentary basketball skill and teamwork. None of that matters now. Through genetics he was previously unaware of, Howard has shown his true face, and it’s really, really hairy. For you see, Scott Howard is a werewolf.
He’s not a run-of-the-mill, howl-at-the-moon-when-it’s-full kind of werewolf either. He’s a bonified stud of the hardwood. The additional powers one gains in a late-puberty werewolfing are well-suited for basketball. The heightened sense of one’s surroundings, extreme bursts of speed and hind-leg power have turned him into a potential All-American.
Very little game-film exists of Howard in action but I think I’ve devised the best plan of attack in defending him. At its root, the plan is as simple as using his own talents against him.
1. He loves to dribble. A wolf can run 35-40 miles per hour on the hunt. A basketball playing “part-wolf” can get nowhere near that speed. He’s still the fastest guy with the best stamina on the court, but if you force him to run around, he may wear down late in the game. At the very least, the additional hair in his tight shorts will certainly cause some uncomfortable chaffing.
2. Becoming a werewolf may heighten one’s athletic ability, but it does not erase a decade or so of poor fundamentals. Howard still looks down at the ball as he dribbles. He can go both right and left but has shown no evidence of a cross-over of any sort. Double-team him on the perimeter and force him to work outside or trip him if all else fails. Forcing unnecessary, aggressive, bodily contact with a werewolf comes with warnings which I hope are obvious.
3. With his newfound skill and fame, he has seemingly forgotten he plays with four Beavers all the time. His teammates have been neglected the ball and the spotlight and are becoming frustrated. Howard’s even gone as far as stealing it from them. Use this to your advantage! “Even Kobe passes to Walton’s kid now and again” and other such phrases should be rehearsed prior to tip-off.
4. That said, Howard is developing a nice behind-the-back pass with each hand. When you double-team (which you should always be doing) or triple-team him (if need be), make sure you’re not leaving guys open underneath. This team has no shooting range! The fat kid will drain some hook shots from about 15 feet, but you let Chubby beat you, not the wolf.
5. Get back on defense. This cannot be stressed enough! If Howard grabs a board, he will immediately look to take it coast to coast for a two-handed power slam. You may even consider playing offense with four players while dropping a safety back.
6. As part of his over-aggressiveness, he will almost always attempt to steal a pass. He’s not yet developed into a huge shot-blocking threat but pump fakes and fake passes should be used as often as possible. Keep your offense moving to confuse and frustrate him.
7. If all else fails in the physical realm, talk. Run some gab about his mom – he hates that! Make up something about Boof and Styles. Let him know you heard through the grapevine that Mick McAllister makes Dirk Diggler look like a toddler and he doesn’t have fleas. Anything to get in his head. However, be aware that there are certain risks one takes in challenging the manhood of a werewolf.
I hope the tips help. If they don’t, too bad, he was going to drop a 40-spot on you anyway. Just be thankful to get out of the gym with no maimed players!