2006 Olympics With the Winter Olympics still fresh in mind, let’s tackle two of the most important questions in the history of the games: What is considered a “winter” sport? And how does such a sport get added to the Olympic lineup?
I’ve come to find out that in order for a sport to be deemed officially “winter,” it must occur on frozen water (i.e. ice or snow).
As for the second question, there must be a competitive league for said sport in at least 30 countries. Presumably, this means that when the magical number drops to 29, the sport is immediately axed by the International Olympic Committee.
While the Winter Olympics’ warmer counterpart has had many events added, removed or a combination of the two over the years, skeleton is the only event to ever be dropped from the winter itinerary. It has since been reinstated.
With those facts in mind, I’ve compiled a list of sports, or more correctly activities (come on, do you really consider ice dancing or curling sports?) that should be added to the winter games in 2010, to be held in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Polar Bear Swimming: Competitors jump into lakes in sub-zero temperatures. Medals are given to those able to stay in the water the longest without losing consciousness or drowning. Judging by the popularity of such events across the country, this sport would more then double the number of Olympic spectators.
Snowball Fighting: While seemingly self-explanatory, there are a few added twists to this frosty favorite. This event, similar to Olympic ice hockey, would have a tournament style format with two teams competing in each round. Each two-person team is given 30 minutes to construct a snow fortress and stockpile ammunition.
It’s after the preparation stage where things really get interesting as the two teams mercilessly pelt each other with snowballs, often laced with dirt and ice. The winner is decided as soon as the first tear is shed.
Snow Man Construction: Creations would be judged subjectively, similar to figure skating. Competitors are given points for creativity and the difficulty level of the snowman. Points are deducted, however, for architectural faux pas made during the building process.
Freestyle Sledding: I know that there are already variations of sledding (bobsleigh, luge, and skeleton) but this would be much more entertaining. Racers would barrel down the hill in four person heats on those out of control “saucer” sleds, with speeds reaching the mid-to-upper 20s.
The only rule is immediate disqualification for any competitor who “desleds” – a term created just for this event, meaning one who dismounts their snow conveyance vehicle (SCV). Much to the delight of the fan, in this sport, chaos would reign.
Dog Sledding: With the ever growing fan base of the great Iditarod (along with a little help Jack London and movies like Balto, Snow Dogs, and now Eight Below) the addition of this sport as an Olympic event is a no-brainer.
Teams, consisting of one musher and 14 dogs, race across an uninhabitable frozen wasteland. Along the way they live on only what they can carry on their sled and what they find along the way. This basically becomes a biathlon/Survivor hybrid – and a ratings beast.
Iceberg Dodging: Sea Captains traverse a man-made, and heavily supervised, course of icebergs. The ship that comes out the least scathed is awarded the gold medal. A sinking vessel receives an automatic score of zero, although saving other crew members lives can earn bonus points.
For safety reasons the only passengers aboard are necessary crew members. Priceless artifacts, too, are not to be looted as booty nor sold to pirates, as that would ruin the treasure diving event.
Treasure Diving: Sunken ships from the iceberg dodging event are ransacked by divers trying to secure the most loot. The more the haul is worth, the higher the score received. For added effect, domesticated killer whales are tossed into the fray.
Sidewalk Shoveling: Participants are given sidewalks of equal dimension and snow cover, fastest removal time wins. This event would spark more living room coaching then any other winter event, as viewers all around the globe – at least those above the equator – have personal experience to draw from. This “game” would also inspire children everywhere to get outside and help their parents. No snow blowers allowed.
Although I don’t enjoy the Winter Olympics much now (and judging by the ratings, I’m not alone) this could easily change with the addition of one or more of my proposed events. I call for the IOC to at least consider my suggestions. Perhaps then I’ll consider watching more then 12 minutes of these cold weather competitions.
Matt Shantz can be emailed at matt.shantz@atomicsportsmedia.com.
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